Crab Apples
by Polish
Summary: Every heard of a crab in? Larxene and the new appointed Zero are sure to show you what it is!
1. CAKE

**Crab Apples**

Disclaimer: Polish doesn't own this concept known as Kingdom Hearts that was created into a video game, in which we all know and love, anyway lets get this party started.

Mood: Somber

Music: Falls Apart by Hurt

A/N: This is a spin-off of another story yet to come; the girls name is Eri, which is a fake name that she gave Axel. And since she's now stuck on TWNS, she ended up going the organization as a house keeper. Xemnas changed her name to Reix; the Rei in Reix stands for zero, which in turn is the number that Xemnas gave to her standing. The 'x' in Reix is silenced so you can just call her Rei, or Zero.

Chapter: 1 C.A.K.E.-Cooking Artificial Karma Effectively 

A random room in the Castle That Never Was on The World that Never was, (Mouth full) Larxene was talking to the newest unwilling member of the organization (how do you think they got Axel?) dutifully named Rei or number 0. For the sheer fact that she knew so much about Kingdom Hearts as she was a Guardian of the Twilight, and could easily transfer herself from world to world with ease. Unfortunately she had been served a burn notice was stripped of her wings, and her powers thus, leaving her to brood, and be crabby, and the fact that she could not return home.

Larxene was currently sitting on the girls bed talking to her, she was the only person she really showed any kindness too, but that was only because they both just for kicks loved to torture people, for Larxene it was physical pain, Rei mental pain.

"Its ok, I'm sure it happens often, you just need to relax and learn to like your new home." Larxene said rubbing her back.

"I'll never get home again! I'll never get to see the sun again as long as I live and that's a lot for me! I need the sun to live!" Rei managed to choke out, through bites of Rum flavored Seasalt ice cream. (For all you Jack lovers, Whoo! Jack forever! And if you don't know what that is from you will be hunted down by Ro-chan my rabbit, and she will eat out your spleen, while you wither in pain)

Larxene then leaned over to giver her a hug "there there its ok", patting her on the back.

Sniffs "Ok" she manages. "I say we go to Marluxia's room and stay there its filled with plants and other flora so maybe it'll be like home, hum?" Larxene says, still hugging the other girl, "we can torture Mar-mar."

"Ok, let's go." Rei agrees, and they set out, for Marluxia's room.

Well this is some kind of first chapter so yeah please review!

Mood: Painful

Music: Dolphins cry


	2. Staging

Chapter 2 - Staging 

I guess you could say that Larxene's kind of acting like an older sister, to her in a way even without a heart she really does care for her. After all she was the only girl in the Organization. And she just makes her feel energized, like she suddenly had her heart back. (Seraphs tired, so if you don't like this fanfic then don't read it.) Once again I don't own Kingdom Hearts; I only own Rei and everything affiliated with her.

Mood: Painful thoughts never leave me alone.

Song: Hysteria, by Muse, what I've done by Linkin Park

Larxene created a portal, and they walked through it to get to Marluxia's room. The darkness of the portal swirled around them, Rei hated it, it always reached for her, and she felt that if she didn't cling tightly to whomever was taking her through then it would swallow her up and produce her dead from its womb of darkness.

"Unh!" Rei said, she couldn't help it the darkness of the portal's always got to her.

"Almost there." Larxene patted her head as she walked; it was a long trip to Marluxia's room.

They made it to said, room and paused outside the door, where music could be heard.  
"What could he possibly be playing?" No.0 asked, tentatively, summoning her Garnet Rod,

"Who knows?" Larxene said summoning her Kunai; they readied to enter the room,

"Marluxia! I hope you're decent either way we're coming in!" Larxene screeched and kicked open the door. Marluxia was inside dancing to "Fantasy" by Mariah Carrie, (Scourge of all evil!) Larxene felt her eyes burn, Rei simple changed what she looked like to appear as Axel and began to dance with him, in doing this she placed her hand over Marluxia's eyes and began to work her own powers. She let the music take him and whispered in her own language, "Amas Akuseru" (Latin + Japanese for You love Axel.) A look of lust filled Marluxia's eyes and he started for her, she sauntered over to him, grabbed him by his collar and lead him to the door at which she walked out of Marluxia following her. She walked a little ways away from the door, and puts her arm back inside to make a "Come here" gesture. Marluxia left the room, Rei returned to her true form and told him to go and pursue Axel, got it memorized?

She walked back in closed and locked the door, Larxene had never having seen such a display of power, simply sat down and stared.  
"Men are so easy to manipulate." No.0 said, brushing her hair.

"You my friend are one of the best tortures I've seen since, well me" Larxene said getting comfy on Marluxia's bed.

-Short chapter leave me alone… (Dang! my buzz is wearing off)

Mood: Buzz kill

Song: All the same by Sick Puppies

Hello again your lovely Seraph is hear with a more than fresh hell for you my dear lovely readers. Next chapter so let's go with the rhythm yo! "I've got a jar of dirt! I've got a jar of dirt!"(I love this saying!) (Mews happily, then coughs "D4 Pain!" hopefully Polish can make the night without dying from illness,) Ro-chan: The author is in some kind of pain (coughs it hurts when I yawn) Ro-chan: Suck it up and write. (Coughs so mean, starts to write again)


	3. These Chemicals should NOT be mixed

Gomenasai!! Im really sorry for like not updating in like months but um…yeah….Eheeheh…. I really have no excuse except I kind of forgot about this story…;; yeah! (summons vexens shield to block sharp pointy objects) I really am sorry! I had college stuff to do!!

**Disclaimer: I no own, if I did all three of the final mixes would have been here by know!**Chapter: 3** These chemical's should **Not**be mixed**

After about three hours in Marluxia's room they began to get hungry, so they decided that instead of simply leaving the room, they agreed to have someone go get pizza for them.

Seraph called Demyx who she found that she rather liked, and he would often do things for her, and for the fact that she would beat up anyone who messed with him.

"Yo! Dem-chan! We're having a "Crab in" Go pick up the pizza." Seraph said laxly, over the phone to him, she didn't even have to use her powers on him. He just did whatever she asked him to do. So Demyx went to go pick up the two large, sausage, and jalapeno pepperoni, bacon and ham, pizzas, two diet cokes, two quarts of Seasalt ice-cream, some fruit flavored gummi snax. (I love gummi snax!), and a ton of different liqueurs, and wines.

The other members began to wonder what was going sense no one was being zapped by lighting or mentally assaulted by a half-crazed/angry/pissed off Galardian. They decided to take it as a sign and do whatever the heck they wanted to do without having to deal with the crap from both Larxene and No.0.

Axel was wondering through the hallway when he noticed that Marluxia wasn't in his room, in fact he could hear Larxene and Seraph inside, it sounded like a party. 'Hey why wasn't I invited?' he thought to himself, just them a half-dazed Marluxia came by, "They stole my room," he said, annoyed, looking over at Axel.

"Well it sounds like a party, I say we crash it!" Axel suggested.

"Alright." was Marluxia's response, he gave Axel a strange look,

"Ok… when one of them comes out, that's when we strike." Axel said, as he and Marluxia, crouched down to wait.

Just then Demyx holding pizza boxes walks up to the outside of Marluxia's room, where it is being held hostage, by Larxene and No.0. Somethin about a crab in. (If you have no idea where this is from, look it up on the Internet in conjunction with the peanut's gang.).

The door opens slightly and… Omg! Cliffy!

Yeah I know short chapter but meh don't really care! Ok I jest! I jest! I want review!!


	4. Of Salads and Eggrolls

Disclaimer: Seraph doesn't own Kingdom Hearts (1-2), the Bobby Brown show, Tokyo Mew Mew or the comic Bone.

**Chapter 4****: Of Salads and Eggrolls**

The door opens slightly and…Demyx gets pulled inside the door slams shut!

"OMG!! DEMYX JUST GOT SNATCHED INSIDE!!" Axel screamed his hands on his head, as he seriously starts freaking out

Marluxia walks over and hugs him his hand on Axels' forehead, "Shhh!! My precious he will be just fine." he purred into Axels' ear.

"Yeah…I… wait a second? What did you say?!" Axel exclaimed, pulling away from him.

"Now now my love you know it to be true." Marluxia said, staring into his eyes, lovingly.

"Gah!" Axel managed to get out before he kissed him.

Axel deciding instantly to try and keep himself sane, set Mar-Mar on fire, and took off running for it.

Marluxia wasn't far behind, "Come back my love!"

"Heck to the no bobby!" Axel yelled still gunning it down the hallway. (Couldn't help it!)

Marluxia stopped, and yelled "Why don't you love me!!"

"OMG! THEY'VE ALREADY MILKED YOU HAVENT THEY!" Axel cried over his shoulder.

He managed to get into another hallway before he ran into Marluxia again.

"Gah!" Axel said before trying to run away again. He backed up slowly, getting ready to run when he saw Marluxia stagger against the wall and fell over.

Against his better judgments, he went over to see what was wrong.

"Uh… Marluxia? Mar-Mar? Petal boy?" he asked poking him with a random stick.

Marluxia "Groan"

He then sat up and looked around, "What happened and why does my mouth taste like Axel?"

"Uh… no idea." Axel said scratching his head and wondering what he might taste like.

They made it to the meeting room, and explained the situation to their superior.

"This shall not pass!" Cried Xemnas, holding a scepter high in the air, lightning-flashes, behind him.

Uh sure?" Axel says rolling his eyes.

"Where'd the scepter come from dude?" asked Xigbar, eyeing the scepter,

"E-bay." Xemnas answered smoothly.

"Oh… Ok…" Xigbar replied not quite believing him.

"To Mar-Mar's room to free Demyx!" yelled Roxas, finger pointing to the sky. (Random Batman theme.)

"Why has this name caught on so quickly?" Marluxia asked, sobbing quietly in the back.

So they left and made their way to Marluxia's room, where noises could be heard. 'Something like a mixture of crying, sobbing, nose blowing, and a trashy soap opera.' Xigbar said his hand on his chin.

"Thanks for the commentary Xigbar." Roxas said, rolling his eyes.

"No pro'em dude." replied Xigbar,

"Ok, so here's the plan we raid the place and drag those two out, " Xemnas said the staff still in his hand.

"What about Demyx?" asked Roxas raising his hand.

"It may already be too late." Xemnas said bowing his head, and closing his eyes.

There was a long silence to that.

"Any way we raid the place and destroy all we see!" Axel exclaimed suddenly breaking the silence.

"Exactly." Xemnas agreed.

"Hey! Just be careful of my plants!" Marluxia whined, (OMG! he whined! suck it up ya pansy!) (No pun intended.)

"Except for number XI's plants." Xemnas said quickly.

"Ok only the bravest man is going in there, the rest will wait outside 'till he comes out." Xemnas said, everyone took a step back Saix was the only one who didn't notice the step back.

"Saix thanks for volunteering your services now please go in there and do your best, and remember we want them alive." Xemnas said his hand on his shoulder for luck.

Saix took out his claymore, and walked to the door, taking a deep breath; he opened it and stepped inside.

Within a few minutes swears, curses, crying, crashing and screams could be heard from outside the door. After about an hour, it got eerily quiet, then the door creaked open, and Saix, was thrown out of the room.

When Saix came out of the room, he was in bright pink, frilly skirts, with a neon pink bustier, and water balloons to simulate breast. His hair had been combed and set in a short bobbed look. He had on cat ears and a tail. (If you have seen Ichigo, from Tokyo Mew Mew, or Mew Mew power then you have it down pretty good.) He was also wearing makeup; eyeliner, eye shadow, neon pink lipstick, barrettes, and blush.

"Saix!" Luxord said when he saw him.

"Saix are you ok?" asked Xaldin, "And why do you smell like a cheap hooker?"

Zexion and Lexaeus leaned over to sniff him.

"They… They…" his voice barely above a whisper.

"What… What is it you can say it!" Xemnas said with tears in his eyes. (Wait a sec? tears! who wrote this? oh yeah it was me!) (Malicious laughter)

"They made me watch…." there was a dramatic pause.

Everyone drew close.

"Oprah." Saix finally said,

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!" Axel and Roxas screamed in unison, Xaldin looked crestfallen, Xigbar swore up a storm of curses that set Luxord's hair on end. Lexaeus looked at his tomahawk questioningly. Zexion had the look of ultimate indifference, he could truly care less. Xemnas started to cry, and because the author couldn't think of the rest of the member's lets just say that they were a little weirded out.

- **End!** No not really just the end of this chapter Yo! So anyway my dear lovely's how do you like Polish's official blend of torture? (Said with a slight British accent for emphasis) I hope it is liked love, because its gonna keep on going till either the author dies of her wounds of just gets a rare yet debilitating form of writers block.

Most are wondering why I named this chapter thus, well Salads are a mixture of different vegetables, like the organization, and Eggrolls are always good, (slight drool) Hmp! Anyway the organization is good, its also a bunch of things all rolled up together like the organization.

Next Chapter someone goes crazy and streaks through the halls, someone loses some eyebrows and we get to see Xemnas in a skirt!(Oh! I wish I could draw this!) See ya in the next chapter Yo!


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